“[I]f my child didn’t want to do something because he was sick,… how would I deal with him? Or if he had fallen and broke his arm? (Generally it wouldn’t occur to me to coerce a sick or injured child or adult.) If there is a difference in how I am treating the person vs. how I would if he was sick—voila, I am probably being coercive!”
– Janet R.
From the archives: Posted on 1st March 1997
“Can anyone think of similar, concrete, approaches to attacking the challenge of blind spots? (Or is this not a problem for others?)”
Most of the approaches I use I think I have borrowed from you guys to begin with. Sometimes, I stop and think what would I be doing in this particular situation if this was a physical problem—if my child didn’t want to do something because he was sick, for example, how would I deal with him? Or if he had fallen and broke his arm? (Generally it wouldn’t occur to me to coerce a sick or injured child or adult.) If there is a difference in how I am treating the person vs. how I would if he was sick—voila, I am probably being coercive!
Many people have discussed imagining how one would act if the other person was a respected adult as a way of finding creative ways to deal with a child. I have found this to be very helpful.
Finding “blind spots” within myself is very difficult. Sometimes if I pay attention to a vague feeling I get of helplessness, or being stumped, that seems to contain at least a tinge of self-righteousness and/or anger and/or depression (I call it feeling “limited”) I usually discover I am up on one of those blind spots. I don’t know is this is helpful to anyone else or not, as it is a personal feeling that I get.
Would love to hear others’ thoughts and ideas on this topic.
See also:
- Against ego-centric epistemology
- Home education law—Phillips v Brown
- Taking toys seriously (yes, really)
Janet R., 1997, ‘Try reframing the problem’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/try-reframing-the-problem