We go forward with hope
Moving forward not back.
Moving forward not back.
How the word ‘respect’ led this parent to Taking Children Seriously
When a toddler hits a parent, should the parent communicate their honest reaction, whether it be showing hurt if they’ve been hurt, or any emotional response, such as feeling anger or sadness?
Protecting the victim should not involve intentionally punishing the aggressor, either physically or by even frowning at the aggressor.
When your view suddenly shifts, like when viewing the Gestalt two-face image, it can feel as if Taking Children Seriously has suddenly come into focus—and this paradigm shift creates a virtuous circle of positive change.
The experience of someone new to Taking Children Seriously, from first scepticism to later taking their children seriously.
Overt coercion is less likely to corrupt children’s interpretation of what is happening to them. But given that part of our self respect as parents taking our children seriously comes from being non-coercive, it might well be that the coercion we inadvertently engage in is interpretation-corrupting double binds. So we need to be particularly aware of the subtle mind-messing forms of coercion.
Being ‘nice’ with the ulterior motive of in effect forcing the children to do what you want them to do, such as help with the housework, is very common. Coercion does not always appear overtly nasty.
What can we do about coercive antirational memes passed down the generations?
When children know that if their parents deem them to be watching too much TV, their parents will ban TV-watching, they self-coercively limit their watching out of fear of losing it altogether.
We parents often think we have a good reason not to take our child seriously, but when our actions are not consistent with our seemingly good reason, what is really going on?
Beginning to think about taking children seriously brings up many hitherto hidden problems. We are all in the same boat. No one has ‘arrived’.
The homeschooling mentality turns education into performance—the semblance of education. This interferes with learning.
Whenever parents try to stop being in charge of stuff, and stop doling out looks or latitude, life with the kids gets easier and more rewarding.
Children’s behaviour is not random. It is meaningful. Therefore there was a reason for this incident.
Children have to do what they themselves think is right, with no pressure whatsoever—that’s what non-coercion amounts to—but they also have a right to be told morality as best we see it.
Focusing on the coercion of others may seem easier than focusing on our own, but it can be about not wanting to correct our own.
The rewards of taking children seriously far outweigh any difficulty and it does get easier over time.