Do children taken seriously ever ask permission?

“Whilst we all ask permission of each other if we want to use their property or enter their bedroom, and the like, there is none of the usual paternalistic expectation that children ask their parents permission before doing anything. If children have a pattern of asking permission, that suggests that they view their parent as an authority in charge of them, instead of seeing themselves as equal individuals whose lives are their own.”
– Sarah Fitz-Claridge

      

“In a non-coercive household, is there anything you would expect your child to ask permission about? (That would imply that the parent has the control/final say so.) Do children taken seriously ever ask permission?”

Good gracious no! (Well, no more than we might ask them permission generally, like before entering someone’s private space or bedroom, or before using someone else’s property, or before sharing someone’s private information, etc.) In case it is not obvious why there is none of the usual asking permission parents expect their children to do, the above question is like asking:

“In a non-coercive household, is there anything you would expect your wife to ask permission about? (That would imply that the husband has the control/final say so.) Do wives taken seriously ever ask permission?”

When we switch the question to be about adults, the paternalism becomes obvious. Taking Children Seriously relationships are horizontal, equal, non-coercive relationships rather than vertical, top-down, authoritarian relationships. Children are sovereign individuals who own themselves and have as much right to control their own lives as we adults have to control ours.

So whilst we all ask permission of each other if we want to use their property or enter their bedroom, and the like, there is none of the usual paternalistic expectation that children ask their parents permission before doing anything. If children have a pattern of asking permission, that suggests that they view their parent as an authority an authority in charge of them, instead of seeing themselves as equal individuals whose lives are their own.

See also: my Oxford Karl Popper Society talk: Taking Children Seriously: a new view of children

See also:

• A commitment to figuring it out
• How to read this site
• Genuinely protecting children versus coercing them

Sarah Fitz-Claridge, 2022, Taking Children Seriously FAQ: ‘Do children taken seriously ever ask permission?’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/do-children-taken-seriously-ever-ask-permission/