“[O]ne resource that adults have far more than children is perspective. So one could contemplate the situation from a broader perspective… am I really going to choose to hurt my own dear child, myself, just to please the [other adult?]”
– David Deutsch
From the archives: Posted on 8th July, 2000
“What about when a parent is shy and doesn’t like confrontation with other adults and risks coercing the child because of it?”
Well, one resource that adults have far more than children is perspective. So one could contemplate the situation from a broader perspective: “Here I am, out shopping with my child, and if a gunman walked into the shop and started shooting I would throw myself in front of my child, and gladly take the bullet for her if I had to. But in reality, fortunately, there’s no gunman, just an interfering, peremptory, malodorous old crone. So am I really going to choose to hurt my own dear child, myself, just to please the malodorous old crone?”
I think that from that perspective, the correct answer (“no”) is quite likely to seem natural and even attractive.
See also:
- What do you have against coercion?
- Oh, how we delude ourselves—blindspots!
- If anti-rational memes are compelling me to coerce my children, what hope is there?!
David Deutsch, 2000, ‘Risking coercion due to conflict-aversion’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/risking-coercion-due-to-conflict-aversion