“If a superficially generous act is done for the purpose of modelling, it is not being done out of generosity at all. There is no realistic chance of an onlooker becoming generous as a result of watching such a charade. If anything of it is passed on at all, it will be the parent’s actual motivation (to tell improving lies to children), not the purported one. What is the point of propagating the idea that generosity is a chore but in front of children one must grit one’s teeth and act out the semblance?”
– David Deutsch
From the archives: Posted on 5th August 2002
“I like to model generosity for my children. Some people have told me that’s a stupid meme to pass on, and maybe it is, but I don’t have a good reason to believe that yet, and I have some good reasons for thinking that generosity is a good thing in general. If you can be generous without serious negative disruption of your life,”
I’m not sure what you mean by that, but what is usually called “modelling” is just another form of lying. If parents come to the conclusion that more generosity than they themselves have, is a good thing to have, then they should tell children so, together with their reasons, so that the children can decide on the same basis that the parents did. Not on the basis of a fraud.
If a superficially generous act is done for the purpose of modelling, it is not being done out of generosity at all. There is no realistic chance of an onlooker becoming generous as a result of watching such a charade. If anything of it is passed on at all, it will be the parent’s actual motivation (to tell improving lies to children), not the purported one. What is the point of propagating the idea that generosity is a chore but in front of children one must grit one’s teeth and act out the semblance?
“or you can think of creative ways to make generosity an enriching part of your family life,”
Not “or”, only.
“that’s a good balance to achieve, I think.”
No, if it’s a balance, it isn’t generosity.
See also:
- Surely coercion is ok when the parent is right and the child is wrong?
- Fearing the influence of violent video games?
- Never made to write essays?
David Deutsch, 2002, ‘Modelling generosity’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/modelling-generosity