“Children are the same species as adults. They have the same rights as adults; and they respond to crude authority in the same way adults respond—by rebellion.”
– Roshan Ali
Future generations of children will see this book as the one that set them free.
Modern parenting is pessimistic, uncreative and authoritarian, not to mention physically and emotionally exhausting for parents and children. Lies and deception; non-negotiable rules, different for different people; threatening countdowns; bribery; guilt; tantrums; time-outs, interspersed with some joy and love and fun.
But it can be only love and joy and fun. Well, almost—problems are inevitable. But unlike in regnant parenting philosophies, problems are solved with creativity, not with force, authority and dogma.
Imagine a relationship with your children that treats them as equals; albeit with much less knowledge about life and the universe. How would you treat your friend or your partner if suddenly all the knowledge they’ve accumulated is wiped out in an instant? Would you punish them if they broke a glass? Would you stop them from eating chocolates by hiding them? Would you threaten them with punishment if didn’t listen to you? Would you stop them from watching YouTube?
No. You would be caring and attentive but let them do whatever they wanted while keeping them from harm.
And when problems arise you would solve them in a creative and fun way—not by saying ‘because I said so’ or adopting a threatening tone, or even worse, punishing them.
Children are the same species as adults. They have the same rights as adults; their preferences hold the same weight as our preferences (I choose to eat chocolates every day and no one is forcing me to stop because they’re not good for me); and they respond to blanket-bans and crude authority in the same way adults respond—by rebellion.
It’s either outward rebellion—tantrums, intentionally ‘misbehaving’ at the most crucial and dangerous times, harming or hurting others.
Or inward rebellion—bitterness, resentment, loss of trust in the parents which then makes authoritarian parenting the only way to handle anything.
Worse, coercion makes them doubt themselves, lose trust in themselves.
It’s a slippery slope: once you start with the rules and the authoritarianism, nothing else will work. You start by keeping it for only the most important things (food? Screens? Socialization?); soon you have to do a countdown to get them out of bed or even drink water.
Amazingly, Aaron Stupple and Logan Chipkin have managed to elucidate this wonderful, freedom- and fun-loving, creative way of parenting without any judgement on those who put through their children through so much unnecessary suffering.
It is a simple, clear, and straightforward book. But its apparent brevity holds so much wisdom and truth that it will change your relationship towards your children in the same way reading about Taking Children Seriously changed my relationship with my child 3 years ago (he’s almost 4 and he’s doing fine, by the way).
Optimism: it is at the heart of this book. All problems are soluble; children are incredible; discussion and argument are wonderful ways to sort out conflict; creativity is what makes us special.
Abandon coercion, embrace creativity and fun. Your children—and civilization—will thank you for it.
See also:
- Is Taking Children Seriously revolutionary?
- Welcome to Taking Children Seriously
- “Why not say that the policy is non-coercion except on important issues?”
Roshan Ali, 2025, ‘Read The Sovereign Child by Aaron Stupple!’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/https://takingchildrenseriously.com/read-the-sovereign-child-by-aaron-stupple/
Wonderful review. I’m sending it to a few friends who need to quit being a dictator with their kids. Thanks for the info re the book.