“Engorged breasts, and sore nipples seem to be part of breastfeeding… I never considered it self-sacrifice. I think this is similar to breaking in a new pair of hiking boots that one wants so they can backpack in the mountains.”
– Rane
From the archives: The original post was posted on 17th June, 2000
“Not commenting any post in particular, but I wanted say something about self-sacrifice… I can’t possible think of a way of not self-sacrificing with an infant even if you’re very well prepared before hand for baby’s arrival and predict all situations, which is almost impossible.
For example, breast-feeding is very painful for most mothers in the beginning. Any other mother that has sore nipples, engorged breasts”
Engorged breasts, and sore nipples seem to be part of breastfeeding… I never considered it self-sacrifice.
I think this is similar to breaking in a new pair of hiking boots that one wants so they can backpack in the mountains. I don’t consider the breaking-in period to be self-sacrifice… on the contrary, it’s taking steps to make them right for you.
“and goes to a conventional doctor gets medication to dry breasts and formula prescribed to baby.”
My conventional doctor never suggested such a thing…
“But if they ignore conventional medicine and are persistent they turn to be successful breast-feeders.”
Which you can do with conventional doctors… 
“Should a mother quit while in pain and give formula to her baby, sacrificing not only his health but his pleasure?”
Should a hiker quit because the shoes are stiff in the beginning and forego the awaited pleasant experiences? Wouldn’t it make sense to break in the shoes before being in a situation where blisters are horrid consequences?
“Breast-feeding is not only about feeding but a close contact between mother and child that doesn’t happen with bottle feeding.”
Again, I never thought of it as self-sacrifice… I thought of it as the ‘breaking in period’.
“And to give a wider example, having an infant requires changing habits and schedules imposed by a lifetime, and that is very hard.”
Why is the infant there? You could apply the same thing to a puppy or a kitten or new shoes or exercise, sports, etc.
When I chose to have an infant, I knew that I would have to change how I lived. It was part of having someone else in your life. The same is true of a partner.
See also:
- “Is your baby trying to tell you something?”
- Questioning natural consequences
- Blind obedience, thoughtful obedience, ‘cooperation’
Rane, 2000, ‘Does breastfeeding require self-sacrifice?’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/does-breastfeeding-require-self-sacrifice
In my case it’s not the initial adaptation period, I’m dealing with a 15-month old who bites/chews me. I want to continue breastfeeding but am definitely self-sacrificing to do so. Help!
Self-sacrifice is indeed self-coercion, as someone else said, and if there is coercion anywhere in the system, including within your own mind, that is not a solution in the Taking Children Seriously sense. There will be a solution which does not involve self-sacrifice. It might take some playful trial and error to come up with a good solution, but it is so worth it. Suffering in silence about this risks giving you an aversion to nursing (which would be a pity!) and might even make you start resenting your precious child! It is also important to (noncoercively) give your child the information that being chewed hurts, and that there are other things that are better for teething-related chewing needs. (Does your child have desirable teething items?) I think sometimes young children either don’t yet know that being chewed is painful, or they forget when half asleep or something. It need not be coercive to lovingly remind them not to bite you as you gently put your finger between their teeth to release the bite.
When this happened to me I yelped “Ouch! No biting!” and opened my little one’s jaw a little with my finger. This happened a few times, then I would ask him if he wanted to nurse or to chew. I would show him his chew toy and if he indicated he wanted to nurse I would say “No biting. Biting hurts, ok?” Then if he chewed again, I would release myself and give him the chew toy. He got the idea pretty swiftly and was totally fine about it. I would think self sacrificing yourself would be coercing yourself and not taking yourself seriously.