“There were lots of other adults I got to know growing up that other people my age did not have access to. My life as a young person was much fuller as a result of knowing them.”
– Catherine G.
From the archives: The original post was posted on 30th Jan, 1998
I would like to make a case for children having the opportunity to make relationships with lots of adults.
When I was a young person my family owned a business. We were often able to go to work with my dad and as we got older my mom worked there also and we would go to work with her. It was great fun. We had full run of the place and people in it. I was exposed to all sorts of adults and had close relationships with people. I got to choose where I went and who I spent time with.
I spent about four hours a day for three months with an old man who was literally a hunchback. My parents’ business was a restaurant and he was one of the butchers. He taught me to carve a side of beef, kill lobsters, use the meat grinder, and use the saw. I also learned lots about his life and how he came to be a hunchback.
I also spent a long period of time with an ex-convict. He had gone to prison for murder and as we got to know each other better he told me all about his life. He told me about the bar fight where he killed someone. He told me about how horrible prison was and how he never wanted to go back. He also taught me how to repair a Hobart mixer.
There were lots of other adults I got to know growing up that other people my age did not have access to. My life as a young person was much fuller as a result of knowing them.
Recently I realized my life as an adult is much better as a result of having had all of these people in my life when I was young. Someone recently defended the idea of staying in a marriage that was OK but not great, because “At least when I get old there will be someone to love me.” I was really surprised to hear this as an excuse to stay in a relationship. Then I realized there are all sorts of people who believe love is a scarce resource. This is not something I have ever believed. So I tried to come up with scenarios where I might not find anyone to love me. (Like maybe I could be in a horrible accident and become permanently disfigured or maybe I would get really old and everyone I knew was dead.) But in every scenario I could think of, I immediately thought of ways to meet new people and how I could have close relationships. I think this may be a direct result of having so many people who really cared about me and who I cared about in my youth.
See also:
- What if my child both hates school and likes being in school with all his friends?
- School children have less freedom and choice than prison inmates
- Taking Children Seriously and fallibilism
Catherine G., 1998, ‘People of all ages can be interesting to children’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/people-of-all-ages-can-be-interesting-to-children