“The Scar Theory of Parenting … parents treating children badly to help them ‘get used to’ the ‘real world.’ It involves some notion that hardship builds strength to endure more hardship and I think this is false.”
– Francine Lucidon
From the archives: The original post was posted on 14th November 2002
“I have no children but was brought up according to this philosophy so it interests me. It is true that after being brought up in a fair and free environment, adjustment to the ‘real world’ that does not subscribe to the same ideals, could possibly be harder for children taken seriously than for others.”
Hi and Welcome 🙂
While it’s very possible you were raised with far more freedom and respect than most other children, certainly your parents were not aware of Taking Children Seriously ideas as they are relatively new.
I think it is a mistake to think that being treated well and helped to think clearly and solve problems in creative ways would be any kind of a hindrance in an environment where that is not the norm. If anything, I think it would offer more creativity in dealing with just those sorts of problems.
This sort of thinking too easily gets used as justification for what I call the Scar Theory of Parenting … parents treating children badly to help them ‘get used to’ the ‘real world.’ It involves some notion that hardship builds strength to endure more hardship and I think this is false.
Sincerely, Francine
See also:
- What kind of children is Taking Children Seriously not a good idea for?
- How can we express approval when our children do something good without manipulating them by implying that we would disapprove if they had made a different choice?
- The challenge of identifying blind spots
Francine Lucidon, 2002, ‘The scar theory of parenting’, https://takingchildrenseriously.com/the-scar-theory-of-parenting