My Taking Children (and myself!) Seriously story
One of the lovely things about taking ourselves and each other seriously is that we enjoy our loved ones’ joy.
real life
We shall not coerce
Unmet needs and being triggered by others’ judgements can make noncoercion feel difficult for parents just like they can make it difficult for our children. Reminding ourselves what we are about can help us retain the understanding and empathy for our children that we hope for for ourselves.
Misery-free treatment of a child’s lice infestation
Coercion is absolutely NOT necessary to treat a lice infestation. It was not even true 30 years ago, in the days of the nasty nit comb and stinky skin-peeling shampoo.
Dynamic tradition and children
Determining which guidance to explore and which to reject is a very subtle skill, and it cannot be learned in an environment where guidance is compulsory.
The can-do attitude versus the can’t-do attitude
We may fear that a given problem requires coercion or self-sacrifice on our part, but if we nevertheless assume that our fear is mistaken and have fun coming up with possible solutions, often, that can-do attitude can make a difference.
A commitment to figuring it out
We look for solutions that everyone, children included, feel good about. We figure it out! And we relish figuring it out!
How is she sleeping?
Trying to implement ‘expert’ advice that doesn’t feel right to you makes life much harder for you with a new baby. Listening to your own wisdom about the sleep issue can make all the difference.
“If we are fallible and not omniscient, surely it is exaggerating to say it is always possible to solve problems without coercion?”
‘Problems are soluble’ does not mean that knowledge can be created by fiat, or that anyone who fails to interact entirely non-coercively is evil. That is horribly far from how I see it. Solutions are sometimes hard to come by. It is often not obvious how to solve a problem. Truth is not manifest.
Help! Child hates eyepatch!
Practical suggestions about a child not wanting to wear a prescribed eyepatch.
Where is the choice for the child?
When children know that if their parents deem them to be watching too much TV, their parents will ban TV-watching, they self-coercively limit their watching out of fear of losing it altogether.
People of all ages can be interesting to children
The benefits of children meeting and being able to spend time with people of all ages instead of just age peers.
Taking sick children seriously
We parents often think we have a good reason not to take our child seriously, but when our actions are not consistent with our seemingly good reason, what is really going on?
Stumbling towards taking children seriously
Beginning to think about taking children seriously brings up many hitherto hidden problems. We are all in the same boat. No one has ‘arrived’.
How the junkiest of junk tv can be genuinely educational
Even the junkiest of junk television can be superbly educational—by sparking questions and enjoyable conversations.
Why discussions take a philosophical turn
When people ask about a child staying at a friend’s house with no parents, do they want not only to know how they might handle it, but why that way, and why not the conventional way. Those whys are philosophy—ideas. That is why we get philosophical.
Why the whys?
Answering ‘why the philosophy?’ and ‘more practical real life stuff please’
Autonomous learning, autonomous life
This 1989 workshop advocated taking children seriously, not just ‘autonomous learning’.